Fraidy Cat Racing

1994 Jaguar XJ12

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1Lemons Forum Ad Empty Lemons Forum Ad on Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:15 pm

This is what I have so far. Look it over and suggest additions and changes. Alan, what brakes are we running?

1994 Jaguar XJ12 Racecar for Sale $2000.

For the Jack Webb version go to the bottom.

Today is all of your lucky day. Fraidy Cat Racing is being forced to sell our beloved Jaguar "Fluffy" due to money and storage issues. The car is basically ready to race as it sits. If you put new brake pads on the rear and replaced the fuel pump you could race it tomorrow. This car is perfect for both brand new or seasoned teams.

You need this car. Let me tell you why.

First up just say the words "Jaguar XJ12". No, don't say it like an American, say it like a Brit, "Jaaag-you-ourrrr Eksjaaaay twelllve". It rolls off the tongue in a silky, seductive manner doesn't it? You want to say that a lot. At work parties, grocery stores, funerals and yes, even at LeMons races.

You want to not only own such a magnificent automobile, you want to talk about it as well.

Let's cover the obvious item first. Yes, it has a V12. A six liter V12. A six liter V12 that makes 300 horse power (or very nearly 300). That engine is basically everything you need to know about the car. It pulls like an atomic freight train, is as polished and refined as the Queen and sounds like the moans of twelve English broads banging each other with honey powered strapons. The judges have consistently called it the best sounding car in LeMons and they've never even driven it.

You could get to drive it.

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From the outside the engine sounds like the aforementioned orgy, but from the inside it gets even better. At 6,500 rpm at 100mph it sounds as if the twelve babes are performing their act of fornication on a stage during a metal concert during an earthquake. This engine doesn't have the operatic sound of your average, dare I say mundane, Italian V12. This engine has some bass.

Just trust me when I say that your life needs to include the sound of this engine.

I know that LeMons isn't just about composing a gasoline symphony down the straights. There are corners too. I also know that you are hands-down the most talented driver out there and that you find a light, nimble car to be as boring as white bread on the track. Anyone can hold the loud pedal down and zig-zag a Miata through the pack. This car will reward your flawless driving by being devastatingly fast. There is no way to get around physics. Fluffy is a big girl and 3600lbs can only change direction so fast. However her steady state cornering is remarkably good and in your strong, masculine hands you will show those E30s the error of their ways.

This car wants you to finesse her.

So you now know that she can go and turn, but can she stop? In a word, yes. In four words, oh my God yes! 3600lb cars should not win braking duels with Miatas. This one does. That is good to know, so that when a car does pass you because that rolling roadblock Opel got in your way, you can win the game of Brake Zone Chicken that is coming at the next corner.

Think of how much more people will respect you when they find out you own this classy, English race car.

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So now you're thinking, "Sure it's the greatest thing to happen to racing since Group B, but how well put together is it?" Imagine if you could build a car and have each company build the parts for it that the company does best. Volvo would build the frame and safety features, Lamborghini would build the engine, America would build the transmission and England would build the suspension. That is this car. However someone forgot to have Japan build the electronics and instead the English just did that one as well... Let's keep moving. This car is a mother's dream. The frame is sturdy as all hell and Evil Genius built a cage that could withstand a dump truck demolition derby. When everything goes tits up and those other driving hacks force you into a horrific wreck, you'll be able stroll out of the car and causally light a cigarette. Damn, you're cool. James Dean has got nothing on you.

This car will make you cooler than James Dean (and more alive too).

You still worry about one last thing though. You know that this car was made for you, but what if the judges get jealous of your perfect hair, eight pack abs, and dapper vintage fire suit and decide to take it out on you by giving you a hard time at B.S. inspection? They won't. They can't. They like this car too much. This car is not only guaranteed acceptance to every race you enter, it is also guaranteed to not ever get any laps. Look at how jealous that makes the BMW guys. They'd kill to not be under the scrutiny of the judges. Instead of shifty looks from the judges you'll get high fives.

Men you don't know in judge robes will be high fiving you because you are so awesome.

This car will complete you. People will think you are the son of Paul Newman and the Dos Equis guy. You need this car.

Just the facts:

1994 Jaguar XJ12
6.0 liter V12
4 speed automatic transmission (GM 4L80E)
Star Spec tires
-- brakes (these brakes rule, two races on them and they have at least two more to go)
lowered and stiffened suspension
two giant transmission coolers
Aluminum racing seat and five point harness
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(5) five gallon fuel cans
fire extinguisher
spare tire and rim
Giant spoiler

We would love to keep racing this car, but we are losing the place where we are keeping it, 1/3 of our team is moving away and for another 1/3 the race costs are becoming a burden. With the purchase of this car you will also get our support. We raced this car three times and have done a lot of work on it. We will happily help you at the races should you desire it. We don't want to give up the car, but we have to and would prefer that it goes to a good team. We can deliver the car up to a reasonable distance from Sacramento California.

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2Lemons Forum Ad Empty Re: Lemons Forum Ad on Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:25 pm

Probably a bit over the top but it is lemons so I say eh what the hell.
The pads are Raybestos ST-43
It probably wouldn't hurt to post a short video of the car in action

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3Lemons Forum Ad Empty Re: Lemons Forum Ad on Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:26 pm

Delete the line "Men you don't know in judge robes will be high fiving you because you are so awesome" and it will be perfect. That line sounds slightly repetitive. How can anyone turn this car down?

I'll get a link to some video up.

Last edited by Eric on Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

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4Lemons Forum Ad Empty Re: Lemons Forum Ad on Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:35 pm

Who wants to be the point of contact for this shindig?

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5Lemons Forum Ad Empty Re: Lemons Forum Ad on Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:50 pm

In Alan's neighborhood -

Dyno Run -

Infineon 1 -

Infineon 2 -

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